Long-Eared Drifter

Long-Eared Drifter is a Merrie Melodies sung by Damon Jones in the episode Best Friends Redux.

Lyrics
Well Long Eared Drifter riding ‘cross the plain. Nobody'd ever seen him, Nobody knew his name. When he stormed into town and reached For some filtered water. And some carrot nibblers.


Well a pretty little filly stopped the stranger and she said, "Step into my saloon and rest your weary head.” But the stranger just shook his head and said, "I’ll have a mesa salad. 'Cause there's good carbs and bad carbs and every cowboy knows, The carbs from fruits and vegetables will help you fit your clothes. Speaking of which I’m gonna need , Some more carrot nibblers.”


Then he saw Black Bart standing in the sunrise, He had gristle in his teeth and diabetes in his eyes. He said "Bart, you and me's gonna square off, Over a yogurt parfait."


But Bart scooped up the woman and he took off riding hard, He took her to a taco stand that makes everything with lard. He ordered sixteen tacos made with bullets, beef and flour, He said “Girl, you're gonna eat these even if it takes an hour.”


Well that's when that old stranger came a-riding up fast, He dismounted his pony and took a shot of wheat grass. "This taco party's over," said the stranger with a drawl, "You eat that junk, you'll jack up your bad cholesterol. And one more thing buddy - you forgot your parfait.”


As when you're fighting evil every healthy cowboy knows, You gotta keep your blood sugar from getting too low. 'Cause if you don't you better know, Joe, You’re gonna get real sleepy.


Well, Bart just laughed and said "I don't need that trash, I live on steak and ice-cream and corned beef hash. And I'd mow you down right now if I wasn't feeling so sluggish.”


The stranger pushed that parfait towards him and he stared Bart down, And a hush and a chill fell across the town. And everybody froze as Bart reached And took a bite of his parfait.


Well Bart’s cheeks got rosy and his hair regained its sheen. He said "It’s my sugar intake that's been making me so mean. Speaking of which stranger won't you share some of those carrot nibblers?"


And now two cowboys ride across that dusty land, Vanquishing darkness and eating oat bran. And one thing you better understand, man, They hardly ever get sleepy. They also enjoy stir-fry. They carefully control their portions. And they keep food journals. And they share their nibblers.


(Healthy cowboys)